


take my hand, hold on forever

by aurora_chiroptera



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Birthday, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Gen, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Canon, Pre-Canon, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:27:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21724492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aurora_chiroptera/pseuds/aurora_chiroptera
Summary: Sometimes birthdays are hard, a reminder of time passing without a way to stop it into a future that is uncertain. But, Magnus finds, having people around that love you can make all the difference in the world.Four different birthdays with Magnus Bane.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Catarina Loss, Magnus Bane & Madzie, Magnus Bane & Ragnor Fell, Magnus Bane & Raphael Santiago, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 15
Kudos: 129





	take my hand, hold on forever

**December 8th 17--**

Magnus was sitting on pale sand and watching the sun setting the waves ablaze as it slipped below the horizon. The tide had been coming in for a while, licking at Magnus' toes now, but he hadn't moved. He felt empty in a way he had never understood before. He could feel his heart beating, could feel his magic coiled through his body, but it didn't seem to make a difference. None of it could penetrate the cavern that had been opening up inside him, a hundred years of erosion.

A hundred and one, as of today.

He looked up when he heard someone approaching, but his mind turned back to his dragging thoughts when he saw who it was. Catarina was dressed in clothes similar to Magnus' own, simple breaches and white linen shirt, feet bare. She sat beside him in the damp sand, paying no mind to anything but Magnus. She reached out, "Can I-?"

Magnus nodded, looking forward once more. Catarina wrapped an arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder. Magnus could feel how tense his body was, became aware of aches in his muscles from sitting so still for so long. He shivered, leading into Catarina's warmth and trying not to cry as her gentle care tried to find its way into the emptiness inside him.

"Something has been on your mind," Catarina stated, as she held him closer. That's how it tended to be with them- an understanding that didn't always need words.

"It's my birthday," Magnus said, letting her pull him in. "This one..."

"Feels much different from the last," Catarina said because of course, she knew. She was only a few decades older than he was. He tried to remember Catarina's hundred and first birthday. He recalled helping her braid her hair, following her close instruction while talking about one night stands and fancy teas and things that now seemed to mean both so little and so much.

With such long lives, they needed to take pleasure in the little things, the frivolous, because sometimes that is all one had. 

Magnus felt the weight of all the losses he had seen and the phantom weight of what he would see in the future. It hunched his shoulders and left the feeling that he had been emptied out. Magnus thought he had known what it was to be immortal. But sitting here, watching as the sun was replaced with a growing number of stars, he understood now what such a long life meant. He was more like the ocean, those mortals in his life merely ships passing through only to vanish, until he was the only one holding their memories.

No one else alive now would remember his mother. No one else would remember the werewolf that had helped Magnus to find Ragnor. So many souls, their faces blurring together, changing with the passing years. And Magnus, everlasting, trying to hold on to them like grains of sand.

"Come back to me Magnus," Catarina said, her voice sounding soft with the rolling waves. And then pinched his side.

Magnus yelped and leaned away from her. "Why did you do that?"

"Someone needed to drag you out of the spiral," Catarina said, her voice light even as her eyes were filled with understanding. "You're getting older, we all do."

"You know it isn't as simple as that.” 

Catarina just raised her brows at him. "Don't make me pick you up and throw you in the water."

"It's my birthday, you're supposed to be nice to me!" Magnus protested, batting away her hands as she tried to pinch him again. He found he was trying not to smile though, laughter beginning to fill in that empty feeling.

"Then you need to be nice to yourself!" Catarina said, standing up. She held out her hands to help him up. He took them, and was tugged forward. Keeping ahold of one hand, twining their fingers together, Catarina tugged him along into the warm seawater.

Magnus decided two could play at this game and splashed Catarina when the water was close to their waists. She turned towards him with a scandalized expression. 

"You did not just do that, Magnus Bane."

"I did," Magnus said, letting go of her hand, and dancing away before she could splash him back. "I challenge you to a duel, Catarina Loss."

Catarina’s smile was bright with mischief. "Alright, if you insist."

When they returned back to the little villa they were staying at with Ragnor, they were both soaking wet and out of breath from laughter. Ragnor just shook his head and set them wrapped in blankets before a fire. Steaming slightly, they passed a wine bottle back and forth. Ragnor joined, though grumbled about them not using glasses and making everything slightly salty.

"Catarina," Magnus caught her hand once more and squeezed it gently. "Thank you." The words weren't nearly enough to cover all he meant but he could tell that once more, she understood.

She leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his cheek. "That is what family is for. You’re not alone"

**December 8th 18--**

Magnus shouldn't have indulged as much as he had, and a blurry, distant part of his brain knew that and was scolding him. But London was so cold in the winter, and it was his birthday, and he was going home to an empty bed, so it seemed like a good idea at the time. The liquor had taken the edge off it all, but now it had just looped back around to a bitter taste as he walked home, hands and face cold due to the December wind.

His feet apparently had other ideas, and Magnus blinked around in the gaslight to find himself not on his own street, but Ragnor's. Pulling out his pocket watch, Magnus fumbled with it and it fell into the dirty snow. London didn't even had the decency of being beautiful in the winter. As he knelt to pick it back up, the door opened and Ragnor was looking down at him.

"I thought I felt you bumbling against my wards," Ragnor grumbled, shoving his feet into shoes and coming down to pick up the watch and help Magnus up the steps.

"I'm sorry, I should just go home," Magnus was worried he might be sick, guilt and sorrow not mingling well what he had drunk.

"No, you’re not going to stumble off and get hypothermia," Ragnor said, getting them inside and closing the door. His tone was gruff, but he was so gentle as he helped Magnus out of his coat and, setting him in a chair, took off Magnus' shoes. A sense of safety washed over Magnus and began to settle.

"I'm sorry," Magnus said again, as he took Ragnor's hands and Ragnor pulled him back to his feet.

"Whatever for, you daft boy," Ragnor said, and surprised Magnus by pulling him into a hug. "I should be sorry, I didn't realize what day it is."

Magnus relaxed, his brain still fuzzy with drink but warmth filling him. "It's nothing."

"Clearly." Magnus could hear the eye roll in Ragnor's tone. They stood there for several minutes more, and Magnus felt happier than he had all day. All week, most likely.

It had been a rather horrible week.

When Ragnor pulled away, he kept a hand on Magnus' elbow. With this, he led Magnus through his home to the library he kept. Magnus settled into one of the chairs pulled close to the fire, and Ragnor sat on his own. Tea was a simple conjuring, and soon Ragnor had that and some little cakes set between them.

Stretching his feet out towards the fire, relaxing in the warmth and listening to the popping of wood and clink of Ragnor's spoon adding honey to the tea, Magnus smiled. This felt like home, Ragnor's easy company, and grumpy yet gentle presence.

Ragnor passed a filled cup of tea to Magnus, and said, "Happy Birthday."

"It just might be," Magnus mused aloud, and Ragnor shook his head.

Holding up his own teacup, Ragnor offered, "I would like to make a toast."

Magnus held his cup out as well. "Alright." The smile on his face wasn't fading and he could see an answering one in the corner of Ragnor's mouth.

"To you, Magnus Bane, may in one year’s time, we meet in this room again," Ragnor tapped his cup to Magnus, then took a long sip.

Magnus drank as well. "Are you going to host a party in my honor?"

"Only if that is what you want," Ragnor said, picking up a cake and dipping part of it in his tea. "Or we can have tea and cakes once more, maybe invite Catarina and Dot..."

Magnus settled back in the chair, blinking sleep away as he sipped his own tea and nibbled on one of the treats. "That would be lovely."

"I thought so."

With that one thing certain in the year to come, the fear and longing Magnus felt faded to a background buzz. Sleep settled over him, and he only woke when Ragnor tucked a blanket over him and a pillow behind his head.

"Rest my boy, you have many years to enjoy yet," Ragnor murmured and his voice was like a lullaby because Magnus trusted what he said to be true. A gentle hand ruffled his hair and Magnus was able to slip back into sleep.

**December 7th-8th 1949**

Raphael had followed Magnus into the apothecary as he set to work, pulling out bottles and ingredients. Magnus knew that there was something on the boy's mind, but hadn't wanted to push him. Magnus himself couldn't stop his own worry and concern. But Raphael had been doing much better these last few months. He would eat, even if it was still only out of Magnus' sight, the shame hanging a little less heavy over him.

"You avoided the war, didn't you?" Magnus asked, glancing over at where Raphael was pretending to inspect the books, many of which he had at least studied the titles of before.

"No, I wasn't yet a citizen of the United States, and no longer in Mexico," Raphael turned, leaning casually. His face was pale and gaunt, more so than it should be even after his transformation. "They didn't know to draft me."

"That is for the best," Magnus said, blinking away his own memories.

"It wasn't your first World War." Raphael didn't need to make it a question.

"No, but I am hoping it’ll be the last."

Raphael hummed in agreement, and a quiet settled. Magnus didn’t try and prompt any additional conversation and that paid off when Raphael asked, "Magnus, when is your birthday?” It seemed this was what had been bothering him. “You're as immortal as I am..."

Magnus opened his mouth but closed it again before any of his usual lies could get out. He set aside what he was doing, and rolled up his sleeves to give himself a moment to think. Leaning on his table, he took a deep breath and looked back up at where Raphael was watching him, face carefully blank.

"I was born... over three hundred years ago," Magnus said truthfully. "In what is now called Indonesia. My father, by blood, was- or rather is... one of the greater demons of hell." He tried not to let his voice shake, but it still cracked with the strain of not wanting to say the words aloud but the feeling that Raphael should know. "I know what it’s like to feel like a monster." He didn't voice the words, 'But in my case, it's true.'

Raphael blinked, then moved closer. The boy was full of compassion that he usually tried to hide. But as he leaned on the other side of the bench from Magnus, he reached out tentatively. "You're one of the kindest people I've met."

"Thank you," Magnus said, and wished the words hit home. He smiled honestly at Raphael, because he was warmed by the fact the boy thought so and that he wanted to comfort Magnus. "Ah, my next birthday is..." Magnus turned on his heal, looking at the calendar on one wall. "Oh, tomorrow." He frowned. "Is it really December?"

"Tomorrow?" Raphael said, sounding rather more alarmed than Magnus thought there was a need for. "Do you have any plans?"

Magnus turned back, studying Raphael. A little color had come to his cheeks, so he must be very agitated. "Catarina and Ragnor and I usually do something, but as the years past, it’s not uncommon for a birthday to slip by unnoticed."

Raphael didn't seem to accept that answer, or at least didn't like it. Magnus could tell by his deepened frown. But Raphael just nodded, then strode out of the room. Magnus heard the front door of the loft open and close. It opened again a moment later and Raphael called, "I'm going out."

Magnus chuckled and called back, "Be safe! Let me know if you need anything." He heard a grunt of acknowledgment, and the door closed again. 

Magnus turned back to his workbench and sighed. Well, because he wouldn't get any sleep until Raphael came home safe, he might as well be productive. Taking out what he needed, he began the process of replenishing his stock of healing potions and antidotes.

Raphael didn't get back till the early morning hours. Magnus had been getting worried, the sun would rise in about an hour. He was trying not to be obvious in his worry, and once he could not make any more potions, had settled in his room with a book and some tea. When he heard Raphael come back in, he stood as quietly as he could, peaking around the door. He saw Raphael, and he didn't seem to be injured or limping. He was holding a bag or two, and Magnus moved back into his room. He didn't need to know what personal business Raphael might have, he had no right. All he could do was offer the boy a safe place to live and recover.

Turning off his bedside lamp, Magnus thought that it was now his birthday. He probably would not have noticed at all if Raphael had not brought it up. He really was getting old...

He woke to the sound of a light knocking. Shifting Magnus opened his eyes and the Great Catsby grumbled as he leaped from Magnus' chest. The sun was coming in Magnus' windows- his bedroom was the only place Magnus risked opening the curtains from time to time now that Raphael lived with him. The knock came again, and Magnus realized it could only be Raphael.

Hurrying out of bed, worry fluttering in his chest ready to burst into full panic at any moment, Magnus tugged on his robe as he magicked the curtains closed. "Come in!" he called, even as he moved towards the door.

Raphael opened the door, and Magnus was surprised to see a mug in his hands. Raphael handed the mug silently to Magnus, then turned and strode back through the loft. Breathing in the scent of fresh coffee, made with just the amount of cream and sugar Magnus had taken to after the war, Magnus hummed with contentment as he calmed himself.

It seemed Raphael was in no danger. Magnus followed after him nonetheless and found the kitchen had been used. Magnus didn't do a whole lot of cooking, if he could help it, and Raphael didn't eat standard food. That didn’t mean he didn’t know his way around a kitchen, Magnus found out now.

"Sit," Raphael said, gesturing towards the table. Magnus found it had been set, even with some flowers in the center. Flowers didn't come cheap this time of year, even just a cluster of baby's breath that Raphael had used, and Magnus paused to smell them. He then took a seat at the head of the table, which Raphael had set with some of Magnus' best porcelain.

Magnus sipped his coffee and watched Raphael. "What is all this?"

Raphael looked up from plating food. He frowned at Magnus as if what Magnus had said made no sense. "It's your birthday," he replied.

Magnus leaned back in his chair, tried to gather his thoughts. As he did, Raphael set the plate in front of Magnus, and then took a seat himself. He had a mug too, if no plate of food, and seemed to be settling in to have breakfast with Magnus.

Magnus had to clear his throat a few times before he was able to find his voice again. He was sure he couldn't hide the way his eyes were shining as he blinked quickly away at unexpected tears. "Thank you, my boy," he managed, pressing his hand briefly on top of Raphael's, then taking his napkin to wipe flour off Raphael's cheek.

Raphael nodded, and smiled at Magnus, even as he scrunched his nose at the Magnus wiping his face. Raphael was smiling, not worrying to hide his teeth, just... seeming to be happy to spend the morning with Magnus. "Eat, before it gets cold," Raphael said, gesturing at the food.

Magnus took a bite, and hummed happily, quickly taking another. "You didn't tell me you could cook."

Raphael shrugged, drinking from his mug. "You didn't ask."

Magnus just grinned shaking his head. "I guess I didn't. Well, thank you again. This really is thoughtful."

Raphael gave a single nod. "Happy birthday."

And Magnus felt, with this start to the day, that it just would be a happy birthday.

**December 8th 2019**

Winter in Alicante was milder than in New York, one of the few things Magnus preferred about the city. Magnus walked through the streets, hand in hand with his husband, who had just treated him to a wonderful early dinner in celebration of his birthday. Looking over, he saw Alec seemed to be watching him, a small smile on his face.

"What is it?" Magnus asked, squeezing his hand.

"Just thinking about how lucky I am," Alec said, in that easy way of his, pulling down the walls Magnus had built around himself. "That I get to be here, celebrating with you."

"I think I'm the lucky one," Magnus said back, pausing outside the door that lead up to the loft.

Alec shook his head, raising their joined hands to press a soft kiss against Magnus' knuckles. "That's where you would be wrong."

Magnus pouted dramatically up at Alec, and that got him the kiss he was hoping for. It was surprisingly chaste, however, and Magnus looked up at Alec questioningly.

Alec chuckled at him. "While I'd love to continue this, there is a surprise waiting."

Magnus didn't know what that could mean. But he trusted the gentle smile on Alec's face, and entered the building, starting the climb up to the loft. "The dinner not enough of a gift? I certainly thought it was."

"Well, this is something a little more," Alec said, moving in front of him. He opened the door to the loft, holding it for Magnus. Magnus smiled and shook his head at his husband's antics, and walked into the living room.

The surprise was immediately clear. Madzie came running towards Magnus and he knelt to sweep her up into his arms. "Surprise Uncle Magnus!"

"Hello sweetpea," Magnus greeted, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek then looking at the other faces smiling over at him. Raphael was sitting nearest, a plate of homemade cupcakes on the table. Catarina and Ragnor sat in opposite couches, smiling over at him.

"Happy birthday," Raphael said, standing and hugging Magnus. He took Madzie from his arms, so that Catarina could pull Magnus into a hug before Ragnor tugged him down to sit beside him. Alec settled beside Catarina, grinning over at Magnus.

Magnus looked around at those dearest to him, at his family. The one he had made and found over these hundreds of years. He took a deep breath, and Ragnor squeezed his knee, grounding him in this present. "Thank you," Magnus said voice a bit rough. "This is a wonderful surprise."

"I helped decorate the cupcakes!" Madzie said. She hopped off Raphael's lap, and selected an elaborately decorated cupcake, with more sprinkles than Magnus thought possible. Madzie put it on a plate and brought it over to him. "I made this one just for you."

"Thank you," Magnus said, taking the cupcake. Madzie then set about getting one for everyone else, including a special one for Raphael. She then sat between Alec and Catarina, and watched attentively as Magnus took his first bite.

Magnus hummed, conjuring a napkin to catch some of the sprinkles. "This is delicious, my compliments to the chef." Madzie beamed, and Raphael hid his own smile by taking a bite of his cupcake.

"Raphael always did know how to cook," Ragnor said, biting his own cupcake. Magnus passing him a napkin and tried not to chuckle at the icing on his nose.

"And I could teach you if you wanted." Raphael rolled his eyes, and Catarina seemed to be trying not to laugh with a mouth full of cake. "It's not some hidden art form."

As Raphael and Ragnor began to bicker good-naturedly, Magnus looked over at Alec. Alec was already looking his way, his hazel eyes warm and seeming to say that Magnus was the most important thing in the world. It used to be harder to accept that, accept that Alec loved him just as much as Magnus loved Alec. But sitting here, among his family, in a future far brighter than any Magnus thought possible, the weight of Alec's conviction in their love settled like a warm blanket around Magnus.

"Dear God, Catarina they're doing it again," Raphael's complaint broke through, and Alec and Magnus turned to look at him. "They're making those eyes at each other."

Magnus laughed as Raphael made a face and Madzie started asking, "What? What's so funny?" Their little group plunged once more into loving chaos. 

Magnus wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
